When did I become last

It hit me. I was walking upstairs doing a million things at once as per the usual. Using the minutes between a practice test to clean my kitchen and start packing. I was thinking about how I want to work out. I was thinking about my favorite workout instagrammer who is busier than me and works out. I thought what’s the difference. Why can’t I seem to workout? I feel like I never have time.

Then I walked into my bedroom which is an actual disaster zone. It’s so incredibly messy. There are piles of things all over. However I had just cleaned my kitchen and tidied up the rest of the house that I share with others.

I realized that I put myself last. Need me to help you in the middle of the night? I will be there. Need me to stay late at work or work crazy hours. I am your girl. I do things for other people but I don’t do things for myself.

I am always rushing. Behind on all of the 57 things I need to accomplish. Forgetting to use the bathroom, to eat or even to drink water. I have my priorities and for the most part I am really good at them. The issue is that those are my priorities. Not me. I am not my own priority.

I tried to write something for a school essay practice and I realized I stopped writing. Other things for school, work or other people were more important. Writing felt awkward and strange because I had abandoned it for so long.

I have not had solid prayer time in awhile. I know that would make me a better person. It would give me much needed peace and quiet to figure things out. Only it’s something I do for me, for God as well as for me and I am not my own priority.

Lest you think I am living some ascetic life that is not the case. I watch comedy shows while cleaning and while falling asleep. While cleaning and getting things done I will turn on a movie in the background.

This year in the pursuit of my goals and what I want to do with my life. I have become my own last priority and if I am not a priority in my own life then I have some serious issues.

My goal for 2017 then is to make myself a priority. To do things for me because I am worth it, I deserve it. Besides if I don’t care for myself who will?

I will share this journey with you because blogging is one of those things that makes me feel more alive.

I will share my journey with you. This year let’s make ourselves a priority in our lives!

Who is with me?

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