I discovered something about myself several weeks ago.
I tend to only like guys who do not like me back.
In fact part of myself feels like that is kind of romantic. I used to love things like unrequited love. I have no idea what I thought was so appealing about loving someone and not having them love you back.
Only I realized that I like guys who do not like me back on purpose.
An unavailable man?
Apparently when it comes to crushes I am all about that.
It’s strange but I tend to set the bar low and self-sabotage. If I like a guy who does not like me and I know that then I will never be disappointed.
But even deeper than that, if I like a guy who does not like me back then I do not run the risk of a real relationship and the truth is relationships terrify me.
Over the past semester my friend and I would watch romance movies . together. Sometime she would express a desire for a boyfriend. While I like guys, the idea of a relationship still terrifies me.
So the idea of a boyfriend? Well that terrifies me too.
I like to be good at things, to be in control. Having no idea what I am doing now that scares me. Which is why to protect myself I tend to like unavailable men.
It’s a safety net but one that keeps me from living the life I was meant to. I am going to stop self-sabotaging. To start taking leaps, to even saying yes to the very things that terrify me.
Look out world!