Do you want to read about me but not read about me? I know that sounds complicated. Today I read something knowing that I could have written it. The episode where God had it under control.
I tend to want everything to look good. I want to be a writer. I want things to be poetic and beautiful. Sometimes I think with all the screens and the media I just basically want my life to be a movie.
I love beautiful things, like flowers, trees and sunsets.
I want my faith in God to be some glamorous and beautiful thing. I want not just the faith but the photos to prove it. The look on my face, the sun streaming in.
I want things to be beautiful, romantic and whimsical.
I am a romantic. An Anne-Shirley at heart. I do not fear just finding the love of my life I also fear that my story will not be awesome. I want the good story. The wonderful story.
I tend to have such high expectations for life that I myself can never even live up to them.
I think what makes life hard is that I want it to be all country songs. All beautiful days, all joy, laughter and puppies. (Well, slight exaggeration.)
Take all of that and then look at real life. Waking up early in the morning for a college class. Getting no sleep. Forgetting to shower for four days… (nope, just me?)
I want my life of faith to be wonderful. No doubt God does too. However that post I mentioned at the top.
The crying and sobbing while watching netflix, the prayer that came within the netflix binge that is me.
Messy. Flawed. Yucky.
My life of faith is less beauty and more me up really late. Praying, crying as I beg God for help.
Driving down the road with music blasting and tears coming.
Life is much less the romantic picture I want it to be.
However real life is so much better.