I have an apology that I need to share with you. An apology from myself and from those who like me fall into this same trap. This same sin. These same lies.
I am sorry. Sorry for who I am because it is not who I should be. Most of the time I am nothing like I should be.
I am sorry for saying I am a christian and then turning around and acting nothing like Christ.
If you are a christian I am willing to bet that you have done this same thing.
I realized all of this while standing in the back of the Church looking around and actually listening (for once) to what God had to say to me.
Everyone in this Church was praying and praising and in that moment I realized.
God just wants you to know how much he loves you. Right now.
He wants you to know how much he loves you.
Then I asked myself.
Emily, do you have any idea how much God loves you?
I think we all know that the answer to that is no. I do not. I cannot fathom his love. Instead I sit around and think Dude, that girl is so obnoxious. She wore that to Church? Guys should never have pony-tails. Those shoes with that skirt?? Eeek…He is such a total jerk. That dude needs to learn to take shower! Does she know how greasy her hair is?
The list could go on and on. The reality is that I spend a lot of time judging people. I judge people for little things. For not fitting into my version of how they should look or who they should be. I judge them for things that are exterior like how they look and even for things on the interior, who I think they are inside.
I sit around and judge people unconsciously. I do it so much that I do not even realize it. I do it a lot with things that relate to morality. How I think a follower of Christ should act.
But I realized that ultimately Jesus just wants to love us. He wants us to come to him; in our brokenness so that we can be healed. It does not matter where we are in our journey. God will lead us and we cannot do it without him.
Ultimately God just wants us to be open to be being loved. All the rest of it will come. Only God transforms lives. Not me.
When you look to the Gospels and even just think about this you will realize that Jesus just walked around loving people.
He just loved. That is it.
The people who Jesus called out the most were the Pharisees. The ones who seemed like they had it right. Only they were the ones who judged. Just like I judge.
If I really want to be like Christ all I have to do is love. Love, not judge. So love like Jesus.