I want to do something super important. To be someone super important… I also am just really tired. And I really just want a nap…
I want to feel like I am enough. I want to feel like I am ok. I want to know that I can do it.
I hate listing my fears. It makes them all the more real and scary. Tonight I am just tired…
In need of rest, rest and more rest.
I think most of the time I do not have time for rest and the other part of the time I do not know how to rest.
Right now I just want a nap. This encapsulates my struggle for greatness versus comfort. There can be comfort that lacks real rest. What I need is rest. Not comfort but I want comfort. I want to be cozy in my bed. I want to know that I am ok. That everything will be ok.
I think this is part of the reason I often want to fall asleep with the TV on. I want to be comfortable and I do not want to feel like I am alone.
I just want to be filled. So I turn on the noise.
Honestly, silence scares me. It terrifies me. I do not like or want silence.
I want noise, I want entertainment. I want comfort..
I am also trying to strive for greatness. The struggle between comofort and greatness. Between hiding or facing your issues. From being comfortable or being willing to step outside of yourself. Of being willing to face your issues. Of being able to accept the silence. Of being able to face your issues, to feel all alone and still to know that you are ok.
That’s all I need to know. That I am ok. I am ok, and so are you.