I hate goodbyes. I avoid them whenever I can.
When a semester ends, or it is fall break, I make myself scarce. I hide. I try to avoid the people I love, the friends I love.
I hate goodbyes. Leaving. Not seeing people. That I can handle but goodbye’s are something else.
I have a memory of a final goodbye. The last time I saw her. The last goodbye. The last hug, the last “I love you.”
I do not like having a last memory.
Goodbye’s remind me that we may not meet again. There is a chance we will but a goodbye reminds me that nothing is guaranteed.
I hate letting go of people. Maybe that is why i hate goodbyes. It is one step of letting go, if only until the next time I see someone. A reminder that nothing is guaranteed. I hate not having guarantees.
The truth of why I hate goodbyes is that I am always grasping to hold on. I do not want to let go, of people that I love or even off places.
It is hard and I do not have an answer. I do not know the meaning of it all.
While discussing grief the other day, a freind said.
You never get over, losing someone.
That is true. I will never get over it. It will always leave a mark.
Only I cannot be afraid for the people that I do have. Afraid that maybe I will lose them too. All I can do is enjoy the time I have with them.
I also have to remind myself that it is ok to hate goodbyes. They need to serve a purpose for me and that is to remind me,
Cherish the time that I have with the people I love.
Cherish every instant and minute.
Because the only guarantee is that someday you will lose them.
Cherish the here and now.