netflix & ice-cream

I got into an arguement with my roommate over whether or not you could take 33 credit hours in a semester. The very idea is crazy and even to consider it is nuts. But even if it were humanly possible. It would not be possible for us, as humans.

If I were a pure machine that many credit hours would be ok. However machines do not have needs. I do.

I am currently recovering from a bad case of personal neglect.

Neglecting myself.

I like to be good at what I do and whatever it is I want to give my “work” my all.

For two years of college, I thought that being a good student meant never, ever having fun. Especially my first semester of college, I doubt there was a single friday night that I did not spend studying. #reasonsIlackedfreinds!

I made a schedule. I cut my life up into little blocks of time. Time for things like school (approximately 72 hours a  week), some time for sleep, prayer etc.

In my sophomore year of highschool I was even worse. I actually had a daily schedule that went from 7. am. to 12 p.m and included three late night hours of latin.

I rarely followed it perfectly. But I also rarely took care of myself. That was a luxury that I merely did not have time for.

I have worked 80 hour work weeks. My record number of hours working in a day is 19, and I plan to keep it that way.

In all of my dedication to my studies, I neglected myself.

The results were awful. Horrible. Awful.

Exhaustion. Burnout.

An inability to monitor and even control my feelings. One day after working myself too hard I was discussing going to the E.R for a case of extreme dizziness. My boss overheard me and sent me home from work and to bed. I then left for a weekend of traveling a few hours later.

I was over-committed and exhausted. My emotions were all over the place and my lack of rest and care had me feeling depressed.

I felt like I was failing at life.

In reality, I was just failing to care for myself. Failing to sleep. Failing to eat. Failing to have time for fun. Failing to have time to relax. The irony of it all is that now I spend less time doing schoolwork and I get better grades than I did then.

I also cry less.

It takes me a really long time for a point to get across. A semi-breakdown however did help that message to finally reach me.

I realized that I needed to care for myself. That my self-care was and is important. That I am way better at the rest of my life when I do things like sleep and care for me.

Implementing this has not been easy. Not for me, I like to do a million and one things. I like to have  jam-packed schedule. Only I have realized that I have to be somewhere in that schedule.

I need down time. Total down time.

I watch Netflix. Because it is something I like and it makes me sit still and not do 27 things. When I have  a test I usually give myself an hour after my exam is done to sit down and enjoy my favorite show.

Then I can resume living. After spending most of my waking moments in the 24 hours prior studying I need that hour of netflix. I also need to care for me. I say no to myself a lot. Sometimes because I have to (like not sleeping at work) sometimes because it seems like the right thing to do.

I have to listen to my body though and my needs. Sometimes I do need that chocolate bar. Sometimes I do need that ice-cream. Sometimes I also need salad and a nap.

Regardless I need to care for me. Luckily caring for me includes my favorite show and some ice-cream in the near future.

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