I want to be perfect. Not just some of the time but all of the time. My desire for perfection is perhaps my greatest weakness, second only to my great desire to please others.
My desires to be perfect and my desire to please others are stumbling blocks in my life. These two desires cause me to do things that are often irrational or just plain silly.
This summer I wrote out a list of goals to accomplish this summer, a bucket list if you will. On that list was ‘paint a picture.’ A simple task.
Early on in the summer I bought some canvas’s as well as a generous supply of paint. I could not wait to start painting.
Then doubt started to creep in. The thoughts came- you cannot paint. What a ridiculous idea. Your picture is going to look horrible. It’s not going to be perfect. Why paint when it won’t even be good?
Time went by. I had days off and I never started to paint. I always meant to. Painting that picture was always in the back of my head. I knew I wanted to paint it.
Only I didn’t.
I kept not painting, until one day I realized that I was scared to paint because I was scared to be imperfect.
I knew my picture was not going to be perfect. I just knew it and I was scared.
I was scared to be imperfect. Scared to do something because it would not be perfect.
I could have continued to live my life like that. Doing only the things I am good at. Doing only the things I am comfortable with. Only the things I can do perfectly.
But I realized that if I did that I was going to miss out. I wanted to paint because I wanted to enjoy doing it.
Trying new things can sometimes scare me. I don’t want to fail.
I didn’t want to paint a picture that was less than perfect. Only I had to realize that sometimes to discover new things, to discover what we love we have to be willing to fail. We have to be willing to grow. We have to be willing to be imperfect.
I don’t know if I will ever become the next Monet.
What I do know is that I can dare to be imperfect. I can fail.
I do know that I should do what I love regardless of how good I might initially be.
I do know that I will never find new things that I love to do if I am not first willing to fail.
Dare to be imperfect.