My life is messy. Actually my life tends to be a little bit more like a train wreck. Meanwhile I ever, optimistically think that sometime in the future I will have more time. More time to get things done to get my life in order, to slow down.
That time is never coming. Partly because slowing down is just really not my thing. I need to do it but it does not come easy to me. So this slow pace of life I have somehow imagined is not happening.
Not at all. Between work, classes, blogging, family, sleeping, eating and trying to fit in friendships it is easy to lose sight of what matters.
I can sometimes become totally caught up in the moment and my worries for the future.
Like how will I get all of this done? Or I focus on the survival. This week has been bad just one more thing I can relax…
The time to slow down has not come, and for me I do not think it is ever coming.
Still, in the busyness of the moment I forget to “Be Still.”
I forget to look for God because I am so caught up in the “urgent” tasks in front of me.
My life is not getting any less messy. I accept that but doing it all on my own is lonely. I want to find God in the mess. I want to find God in the midst of all of this. I love everything that I do but without God it is all meaningless.
I need him to give meaning to my life, to show me that I am never alone. I need God to be with me on the messy days. On the days when I feel like I am covered in mud and filth. I need God to be with me.
I need to find God in this mess.